"Just Play"

Well, my tweets didn't do the trick.  Lone Star fell even more in ratings on Monday and was officially yanked off the schedule - the first casualty of the fall season.  It doesn't bode well, my friends.

Other than that....I have improv today.  And I don't have much more to report.  So instead of reporting, I'll leave you with a clip from Hilary Swank's Inside the Actor's Studio.  I love hearing other actors' stories of how they got the opportunities they got, the sometimes rocky road that brings them there and how our work, as storytellers, can make a difference.  There is also some great advice from Al Pacino at the end...it might have something to do with the title of this post.  Enjoy.

*9/30/10* Not sure when it happened but between yesterday and today, the video was removed from youtube "due to terms of use violation".  When I just tried to watch again, I was notified of that.  The cliff notes version of what was in the clip:

- Hilary was on the 8th season of 90210 and after being on for several episodes, she was told that "it wasn't working out" and she was written out of the show.  She thought, I'm not even good enough for the 8th season of 90210!  And then, 3 months later, she got Boys Don't Cry.

- Gosh, I wish you could have seen the rest of the interview - her audition process for that role and the preparation that she put into it was fascinating to hear about and she had a very emotional moment talking about how hard it was sometimes to shoot and the reactions she got from fan mail.  One of the things that moved her was the way people who had so much hate changed their perspective after seeing this movie.  She said (I'm paraphrasing) that she doesn't do roles to change the world but if a by-product of the work she does helps facilitate that, that is a blessing.

-  The interview then moved on to her role in Insomnia with Al Pacino.  Al said to her, "Play.  Just play."  And it was liberating for her.

A few posts back I talked about how I just want to play again - and that is why I'm taking an improv class now.  And we "just play."  Hilary's interview was great - seriously, when are they coming out with the Inside the Actors Studio box set???  I signed up for an Amazon alert years ago and no alerts yet.  I just looked it up though and there seems to be a select few on DVD.  I think I'm doing a little shopping later today.

Extremes

Lawd have mercy.  I got into my car yesterday and it said it was 120 degrees.  Everyone is talking about the heat and they aren't kidding:  Walking outside yesterday felt like when I drove by a brushfire on the freeway once.  It literally felt like flames.  It is another hot one today but not as brutal as yesterday.  LA is a town of extremes.  Usually it is nice and mild but when weather strikes, it is fire-hot or flashflooding or earthquaking.

So I don't know if you ever check out my twitter feed in my sidebar, but if you do, you may have noticed that I've been pushing for a little show called Lone Star to make it.  Last week when everyone debuted their new shows, I was watching The Event at 9:00 on Monday because A., it looked good and B., I had already seen Lone Star's pilot.  For some reason, they decided to include a screener of it in my Vanity Fair issue this month.  So I watched it, enjoyed it and looked forward to juggling my dvr schedule this week.  But after it debuted last week to only 4 million viewers....there were rumors it was going to be pulled after only one show.  First of all, I don't think that is smart to do for any show but especially this one - it got tons of critical acclaim and it needs a chance to gain an audience.  And second of all, I, for obvious reasons, love that they cast an "unknown" as the star of the show.  I think it would be detrimental for actors if this show didn't work because then the network could blame it on the fact that they didn't have a "name" leading the program.  It used to be that pilots were the chance for actors to get a start.  Now you're lucky if you have the opportunity to audition for a guest star or a co-star, let alone a series regular role.  And if you do get the chance to audition for a leading role, you know that they'll most likely cast a name before they cast you.  And that is a shame because James Wolk is great.  He makes a very unlikeable character somehow...endearing.  And he is an example of how great some unknown actors are.  How much talent there is beyond the same few faces we see on tv all the time.  We need more of that.

What gives me confidence?

Jon Hamm says in the above interview, "To be an actor is a very vulnerable position many times and confidence goes a long way in helping you overcome that vulnerability."

Someone asked me recently how I was able to keep going in this business of no absolutes - what makes me continue on despite the ratio of "no's" to "yes's"?  And I realized that one of the things that keeps me going is the fact that this is all I have ever wanted.  It's my blessing and my curse:  a blessing because I know what I want and a curse because I can't let myself not pursue this.  Maybe one day I'll change my tune but it's been a pretty constant song throughout my life.  And what gives me confidence to continue has a lot to do with my family and friends.  They truly believe in my abilities and they believe, like I believe, that given the right set of circumstances, anything is possible - that right role, with the right project, with the right director, the right timing...all of this hard work and preparation will blossom into something pretty spectacular.  And that all of this hard work and preparation is pretty spectacular in and of itself.  Following your dream, no matter what that dream is, is a great accomplishment.  So where does my confidence really find itself rooted?  It sounds like it all starts from a place of love.

Quote-Unquote

The building that our friends' wedding reception was held in was decorated on the outside with quotes.  When I was growing up, I decorated with quotes.  I had a quote calendar and each day I had a new quote waiting.  If it spoke to me, I saved it and I would trim it down from it's desktop-calendar-size and paste it on a paper that hung on my wall. I still have that quote paper in my "box of memories," as I call it.  I also kept quotes that I heard from teachers, from television shows, in books, from friends and I would write them on my dividers that I had in my three ring binder.  There is one divider in particular that I would decorate with illustrations and doodles about these quotes - I have that divider tucked away in that same box.

So needless to say, I quite enjoyed the reception venue and if I had more time at the end of the evening, I probably would have gone around and taken pictures of all the quotes that stood out.  But this is the one that was near the door and the one that resonated with me when I first saw it.  2010 has been a trying year for many people I know, myself included.  There have been health issues, we have lost loved ones, careers haven't gone the way we thought they would and there have been more hiccups than smooth sailings (to mix metaphors).  But life marches on.  And so do we.  And so it goes.  And we are stronger and braver for it.

Quick, quick....

....because I've run out of time this morning.....

Yesterday was a lot of fun and I think the auditions all went well.  Hopefully making fans all over town ;)  This afternoon I have my second improv class.  Again - fun.  Fun...it's the theme of the week!

My life is fun.

There.

I said it.

I had a great time going from one appointment to the next yesterday and I think that they all went well.  And today I have my second improv class.  Again, fun.  Bonnie's column this week talks about whether it is selfish to pursue a life as an actor.  Interesting because I was talking to my mom yesterday about how the auditions went and somehow we got to talking about someone I graduated high school with and how she is a doctor now.  And I commented about how this girl has become a doctor and I'm still out auditioning.  Quite different lives.  Her life seems so much more...purposeful.  And my mom says, with a wink in her voice, "Yeah, but I bet you're having more fun."  Bonnie says in her column, "I mean, we may not be curing cancer, but we can make someone laugh while they're going through chemo."  Yes, our lives are different and it can definitely be argued that my old classmate is directly impacting lives more significantly on a day to day basis.  And I hope that she is having fun too.  We all have different skills that fit different purposes.  And we need storytellers just like we need doctors.

Someone asked me over the weekend how I stay motivated in this business of no absolutes and I answered, "All my life, I have known exactly what I wanted to do:  Be an actress.  It is my blessing and my curse."  A blessing because I know what I want.  A "curse" because I don't want anything else.  I don't know if I would be happy pursuing anything else.  Maybe I could be.  And maybe one day I'll try something else out.  But right now, I'm having a heck of a good time with this pursuit.

Rocknroll

This past weekend was about celebrating love and life as two of our good friends got married.  Beautiful people, beautiful location, beautiful day.  And now, as I step back into my acting life, I have a busy day ahead of me.  Three auditions!  That's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.  Two commercials and a co-star role.  My agents are on fire.  I think the way I'm feeling is best illustrated through a photo taken of me at the wedding over the weekend....

I'm ready to rock.

Instructions

Guys.....class was really fun.  Improv is just what I need right now - something that scares me but is playful.  The group of people seem really great and open and I have a feeling we're going to have a lot of fun together.  Plus!  Evidence of this world getting smaller - there is a woman in class that looked familiar to me and I thought, I know her...from New York....but like, years ago.  Yep.  Turns out we knew each other years ago in NY, took classes together at One on One.  She just moved out here earlier this year.  Disney was right.  It IS a small world after all.

And as a closing thought to the day, my mom gave my hubby a desk calendar as a stocking stuffer this past Christmas.  It is a Life's Little Instruction Book calendar and we have fun ripping off the days and laughing at the sometimes absurd advice.  Today's wasn't absurd though.  It was quite lovely.  And something to remember:

Philosophy of Success

Eek!  My first improv class is today and I am nervous!  Excited and nervous.  I'm leaning toward more excited than nervous.  I'm excited to just play.

Another good resource for my acting buddies - in case you haven't seen it yet - is the Production Listings posted by Back Stage on Monday.  What's shooting, who's casting, addresses, etc.

And I posted this on my facebook yesterday but in case you aren't on there or it got buried in your news feed, here is an interesting compilation of Will Smith's definition of success.  I've said before on here that we have got to "Be Unreasonable."  Looks like Will agrees.....

Quote of the Day

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it.  Action has magic, grace, and power in it.

- Goethe

Resource (for my acting buddies)

This weekend did not involve the painting that I had so loftily promised pictures of on Friday.  Instead there was a lazy Saturday and a casting workshop yesterday morning followed by football.  At least, football was on in the background (thanks, hubby!) and I found out that Pizza Hut is one of the sponsors of the NFL this year, as is Southwest.  Holla!  I saw my Pizza Hut spot air but not sure if my Southwest has started airing again.  It would be pretty sweet if they were both running on Football Sundays...any sightings?  Or were you all refilling your wing plates during commercial breaks?  Or switching channels during the break to see how your fantasy football players were doing?  Or were you not watching football?  According to my facebook feed, there are a lot of football fanatics out there....so I doubt that last possibility is true.  Go Team!

In other news, for my acting friends who read this blog, I was emailed a link to this article, Back to Basics, from Back Stage that I thought I'd share.  They talked to the casting directors of some of the new fall shows and asked them what they'll be looking for during sessions.  It is a really good guide with insight to what they want in the room and also what they want in the mail - in case you're thinking of sending in your stuff.  Some offices don't look at unsolicited actor submissions, some welcome postcards, etc - you get the idea.  Definitely worth a read through and a bookmark for future auditions this season.

Music and Silence

No trumpets sound when the important decisions of our life are made.  Destiny is made known silently.  

- Agnes De Mille

Someone posted a status recently that made me giggle: "The problem with real life is there is no danger music." True.  There is no music warning us when we are making the wrong decision and there is no swelling of an orchestra when we do something triumphant.  Of course, in my twisted imagination I hear screeching violins when I'm on dark streets and I hear angels sing when something goes right.  But that is mostly because I like musicals.  Anyway, the above quote stood out to me because lately I've been feeling like I have a quiet determination fueling me.  I have certain goals I want to reach by the end of this year and I'm doing what I can to make them a reality.  I'm slowly starting to tell people what these goals are, almost as a way to be held accountable.  I said I was going to do x, y and z - so I will.  But for the most part, I'm holding them close and chipping away as I can.  As they happen, I'll start singing about them.  In other news, I'm thinking about doing some painting this weekend - pictures to be posted.  Enjoy your weekend!

Positive thoughts

The gray has stayed and after enjoying a day snuggled in on Tuesday, I made up for it yesterday running around and visiting with friends.  Breakfast with K., lunch with L., haircut and then bbq at the Gs with an assortment of good friends.  It is always invigorating talking with the people here that I'm close with.  I have been incredibly lucky to meet smart, passionate people who are uplifting and true.  I come away from yesterday feeling very blessed.  Not only because of my great friends but also because as I was driving back from the bbq, we were on the 10 and a lane was closed - the lane right after you get onto the freeway.  And so I'm trying to get over and the two cars behind me wouldn't let me - they just got over and cut me off.  And we very nearly got into an accident.  It was scary because we were either going to hit the cones or sideswipe the cars that were darting around.  But a close call was just that - close.  Unfortunately, when I got home, I was catching up online and found out that someone I know through B's class was in a serious car accident earlier in the day.  Not much was known beyond that and there are no updates yet this morning but there is a large group of people sending positive thoughts her way.  Scary, sobering and a dose of perspective.  Hoping only the best for R.

**Update:  R. is resting at home, with a concussion.  Healing thoughts still being sent and thankful she is on the road to recovery.

Filling the Well

It's gray in LA and I am taking advantage of this moody weather - checked out a book from the library and rented The Savages so I can finally see one of Laura Linney's Oscar-nominated roles.  I'm all snuggled up in my hoodie and ready to be inspired.

Expectations

We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other people's models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open.  - Shakti Gawain


I opened The Artist's Way and that was the quote on the page.  I had outlined it in pencil years ago when I first got the book.  It stood out to me then and it stands out to me now.  Last week I had an amazing dinner with an amazing group of girlfriends and the prevailing topic was about expectations.  Where we were currently at in life, where we thought we were going to be and where we thought we should be.  We create models for ourselves:  by "x" age I will have done this; by "y" age I will have done that.  And we look at our peers and see where they are at - who's married, who is single and loving it, who has kids, who has an amazing career, who seems to have it all together.  And that is when the panic sets in....what am I doing wrong?  Why haven't I done everything I thought I would?  Where am I supposed to be in my model again?  And who am I supposed to be?

It is undoubtedly a struggle that will come and go throughout life but it seems to really be kicking in during these "later 20s/early 30s" my group of girlfriends and I are in.  Letting go and accepting that we are exactly where we are supposed to be is a bit of a mind warp.  But here we are.  And here we'll be.  Seems like letting go is one of the best options....seeing where that takes us....perhaps it will take us to where we "should" be....

9-02-10

Got a lot done yesterday.  Signed up for an improv class at UCB; starts in 2 weeks.  Signed up for a casting director workshop with an associate from an office I've been wanting to meet.  In fact, yesterday morning I had just said to myself, Self, You should meet this office.  And then I received a notice that there was a workshop happening in ten days.  Had to take advantage!  Ordered new business cards and am excited to see how they turn out.  Sent out an email about a project that I would very much like the opportunity to read for.  Not sure if anything will come of it but heck if it wasn't worth a shot.

Oh.  And happy 9-02-10 Day....what better time to wear my Dylan shirt?

Through the end of the year...

It is September.....we are in the last quarter of the year.....where will the year take us?  Going into 2010 there were really high expectations but I never expected it to be the rollercoaster that it ended up being.....so far.  That is what is craziest!  There are still four months left - four months to Make It Happen.  What "It" is, is still left to be defined....

For me, I'm striving for balance.  And taking an improv class!  And did you notice my little reel to the right?  I figured out how to embed video into my sidebar - I felt so tech savvy yesterday....