Swimming

Ended up having a commercial audition yesterday afternoon, so that is always a pleasant surprise to add to the day. I wouldn't mind getting surprised again today (hear that, universe?). Because, other than cleaning the kitchen, not much is on the agenda. Going to work on my cover letters for the CDs. Ordered a proof of my new headshot yesterday and it will be ready to check out tomorrow. And that is that. My friend E. posted this quote on her facebook status yesterday and I pilfered it for my post today:

"Your biggest break can come from never quitting. Being at the right place at the right time can only happen when you keep moving toward the next opportunity." Arthur Pine

Or as Dory would say, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

The Road

Back on track today! The past week was full of family and visiting so the blog got placed on the back burner. Gotta work on updating my website today and getting a new headshot printed. I want to do a mailing soon to all of the casting directors I went in for or met in the past six months so I can give them all my updated information. It's time to deal with a bit of "business", which isn't as much fun as the "show." But the two words have to work together.

Ugh. I was playing around with imdb page, updating some of the info and adding my new picture and I saw that you could link your twitter account. So I thought, that's a good idea, I'll go ahead and do that. But I was thinking it would just give an outside link to my twitter. Turns out, it is like a feed on your page with your latest tweets. I don't want that on my imdb page! So I went and I took off the info. But the last tweet they have recorded is still there! And I have no idea how to make it disappear! I need to figure that out too. If anyone has any insight, I'll take it!

One last thought before I get to work: My nieces asked me this weekend, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" And I said, "An actress." And they said, exasperated, "But you already are." And I smiled, "Pretty lucky, huh?"

....No matter how long the road is or how bumpy it gets, I'm on the road. And for that, I am grateful.

Close call and yummy dinner

I got put on avail yesterday for the commercial....and then found out last night I didn't get it. It's ok though - I'll get the next one! Oddly enough, my friend that I ran into at the callback was also put on avail and as of last night he hadn't heard yet yay or nay. Wardrobe is today though so let's hope he has crazy day of last minute calls and running around! I'll let you know if I hear anything!

Thanks for the feedback on the headshots! If you haven't gotten a chance to go through them yet, there is still time :) The blue shots seem to be the most popular so far. Here are the three that are in the front running right now from that "look"...

Any of these three jump out at you? Let me know what you think! Slowly whittling down the pack...man oh man, is Marc good or what?

I had such a nice birthday yesterday, too! Went on a hike with C. and went to a great dinner with my hubby. I finally got to check out Mozza Pizzeria....oh my goodness, it was delicious! The caprese was the best I've ever had - the little tomatoes burst with juices and flavor, literally exploding on your tongue. And I had the pizza with pineapple and jalapeno - which may sound a little nutty but I loved it like whoa. And the dessert! Caramel gelato with marshmellow fluff and salted Spanish peanuts....yes, I do believe I'll head back there sooner rather than later!

Feeling really blessed after a day like yesterday...

Headshots!

Callback went well yesterday. As I was leaving I ran into S., from Ivana's class. He had a callback for the same spot (obviously, a different role). It would be so great if we both booked it and got to work together. That would be a testimony to Ivana's technique!

My foley session got postponed last night. Schedules ended up not working out so I guess I'll learn more about that movie magic later...

In other news....I got my headshots back and.....I love them. I have no idea how I'm going to pick and...since its my birthday...I'm going to ask a favor:

I've gone through and picked out my favorites. These three are just a small sample - there are 71 of them. I need to narrow it down to one shot from each look. Here is where the favor comes in - I have a link to these favorites and if you have time at some point to look at a few and tell me which numbers you like the best - one from each look - that would be awesome. Just leave me a comment or shoot over an email. As part of my package, I get three shots retouched so I just need to figure out which ones to do. And yes, these are all untouched, so don't let a stray hair or excessive smile line throw off your like of a photo. Here's the link: Meagan's Headshots

Marc Cartwright was my photographer and I am adding him to list of resources because he is amazing. Last week was a tough week for me and I was a bit in my head during the whole headshot session. He was so patient and really took the time to make sure I was taking the best pictures possible. When you click through my favorites, I think you'll agree. He does such good work!

Thanks in advance for any input - hopefully these will be the last headshots I ever have to take. You know, because they are going to get me in the room to start booking some major jobs!!

Magic

After a nearly perfect weekend full of friends and sun and laughter, it is back to work today.... It is a good thing I love the work! I have a callback this afternoon for the last minute audition I had last Tuesday. Rock on. Then this evening, I am going to do some foley work for the short I did earlier this year, True Love. What is foley work? That is what I had to ask when I was first asked to do it - I'm still learning, that's for sure! It is basically adding or replacing audio of the non-verbal sounds in a movie. Ahh, the magic of moviemaking.

I'm starting another link list on the right here on my blog of acting resources that I've used that have helped me out - you know, people I've worked with or services I recommend like photographers, editors, teachers, etc. It is a short list right now but I'm going to keep adding, so check it out every once in awhile.

A little of this and a little of that

Today was a long day of headshots! I worked with Marc Cartwright and I'm anxious to see how they turn out. I probably won't get the contact sheets until Monday so I just have to shake it off and enjoy the weekend. We'll see next week....

So I got my reel done through Edit Plus and I found them through Bonnie Gillespie's column this week. She did an interview with Kim Estes, who is in the running to be nominated for an Emmy, and he got his Emmy reel edited there. So I figured that would be a good place to go. Their prices were really reasonable and by the time our session was done, I had a complete reel ready to go. I'm finding that Bonnie's column is such a wealth of information and I can't believe I didn't know about it before. I'm reading previous columns and picking up great tips. Again, if you're one of my actor friends who reads this, I put up a link to it on this blog - The Actors Voice - so check it out.

I went to a Krav Maga class on Wednesday night with my buddy K. It is an Israeli street fighting technique and I had such a blast punching and kicking and learning self defense moves. I want to diversify and offer more as an actor, so having a bit of fighting skills is never a bad place to start. Plus I just like having those skills anyways - it was empowering leaving that class. And I'm still sore today - a really great work out.

Oh....and by the way....my hubby surprised me last night with an early birthday present...a MAC!!! And I'm having a little too much fun with the photo booth....hope you enjoy your weekend!

My Reel!

Worked with Dave over at EditPlus and got this little diddy together yesterday. I love it! I'm really happy with how it turned out and will tell you more tomorrow. Today was busy and I'm getting new headshots in the morning but I'll post afterwards...until then....

New Day

I rode my bike to work yesterday and right as I was pedaling into the parking lot, I could hear my phone ringing in my bag. So I went ahead, locked up my bike and checked my message: last minute commercial audition in Santa Monica at 12:30. It was 10:00. So I went into the office, told my boss I couldn't stay and pedaled on back home. There are worse things than last minute auditions! I love the rush. The audition went well and I have another commercial audition today. I'm glad things are picking up again commercially. It was quiet for a few weeks but it was expected to be so it feels good going out again.

My afternoon wasn't the greatest (completely unrelated to the above mentioned audition but not unrelated to the biz). So my husband sent me this quote:

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.
Charles "Tremendous" Jones

And today is a new day. I have an editing session this afternoon to get my reel put together which means that by tomorrow I'll have a reel to show you!! Get excited.....I know I am!

12

I've started doing The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron again. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned the book on this blog before - I've picked it up on and off again for five years now. But I've never done the full twelve week program. I'm doing it this time. Even just doing the morning pages these past two days has reinvigorated me and it just feels right. Refilling the well. If you are someone that is creative, someone that wishes they were more creative, someone who wonders if they are creative, you should pick up this book. You'll be surprised with how it can affect you.

....On another note, what is it about 12 weeks? 12 steps? 12 seems to be the magic number.

There is something about summer time that makes me feel like life slows down for a moment and I can breathe again. I'm sure it is ingrained in me - and maybe all of us - since being school children. But I'm feeling a little more light. A little more hopeful. A little more relaxed. This is the first Tuesday in a year and a half that I haven't had class to go to so there is a part of me that feels a tremor of anxiety - like I should be doing something that I'm forgetting to do. But it will start to dissipate and dissolve as the day goes on....hopefully! Unless there really is something I'm forgetting about...nah....

Let go

Watching the Tonys last night made me miss NYC. Made me miss going to see shows and constantly feeling inspired. The Tonys always inspire me - make me want to sing and dance and strive to be more. And last night was no exception. Especially since a friend of mine who I knew in NY is in Memphis - the show that won best musical last night. He is the understudy to the lead role and is in the ensemble. I'm pretty sure he went on as the lead role just this past Friday. What an incredible ride. It is nights like last night that remind me that dreams do come true. You work hard and they happen. This is a journey that has a different course for everyone. I'm not sure where my course is headed but I've decided to let go and let it guide me.

My friend, K., sent this quote to me over the weekend and I wanted to share it.

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one you in all time,
this expression is unique.

And if you block it,
It will never exist through any other medium
and will be lost,
The world will not have it.

It is not our business to determine
how good it is
nor how valuable it is
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep yours clearly and directly,
to keep the channel open.

You do not even have to believe in yourself
or your work.
You have to keep open and aware
directly to the urges that motivate you.
Keep the channel open...that keeps us marching
and makes us more alone than the others.
No artist is ever pleased...
There is no satisfaction whatever at any time.
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction:
a blessed unrest

-Martha Graham to Angnes deMille

"A blessed unrest" - I think that sums up how I've been feeling lately. I also think I should start a band and that would be our name....

What You Are

I went hiking yesterday but I made this one a solo journey. C., who I usually hike with, already had other plans so I downloaded the new Jewel CD, strapped on my ipod and set out. I've been a big Jewel fan for literally half of my life and this new CD takes me back to her first CD and made me feel like a teenager again - when the world seemed wide open and romantic and full of possibilities. Her songs have simple rhythms but her lyrics have surprising depth. If you have ever liked Jewel, her new CD is worth getting - the deluxe version has two sets of the album and I was listening to the acoustic set. And when the CD got to her new song, What You Are, I was moved to tears. Here are some of the chorus and verses:

A star is a star
it doesn't have to try to shine
and water will fall
a bird just knows how to fly
you don't have to tell a flower how to bloom
or light how to fill up a room
you already are what you are
and what you are
is beautiful....

.....look in the mirror
now that's another story to tell
i give love to others
but i give myself hell
i have to tell myself
in every seed there's a perfect plan
everything i hope to be
i already am

a flower is a flower
it doesn't have to try to bloom
light is light
just knows how to fill a room
and dark is dark
so the stars have a place to shine
the tide goes out
so it can come back another time
goodbye makes hello so sweet
and love is love so it can teach us
we already are what we are
and what we are
is beautiful
and strong enough
and good enough
and bright enough

*****

I've been feeling a bit unmoored lately, not sure which direction to head in. I know life will take me to where I'm supposed to be but I've been feeling impatient. Hiking up that canyon, listening to this song, I felt a bit like the little girl on the rock. The little girl I was in the picture that defines my blog. Alone and contemplating and probably a little proud of myself for having climbed the rock. And right beyond the parameters of the picture, my family is watching and waiting and, I can only hope, a little proud of me too.

Refueling

My horoscope says I should just stay in today, hibernate, walk around the kitchen in my pajamas. As tempting as that sounds, I actually think I'll go to work, go on a hike, finish my painting I started last night...you know, be a little active. Refuel the vessel.

Two quotes that spoke to me today:

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
- Margaret Young

As an artist, it is central to be unsatisfied! This isn't greed, though it might be appetite.
- Lawrence Calcagno

Telling Stories

It was bittersweet having my last class last night. Part of what I love about I.C.'s studio is the people and it is going to be strange not going there every Tuesday. Some of my best friends out here, I met there. And my last scene was a good learning experience, too. I am going to miss class but I am also going to enjoy my break. One thing is for sure, I've grown so much since working with I.C. and I'm looking forward to where this growth will lead.

So what will today bring? The acting world is quieting down for now and I might get some painting done. Fa made a good point in her comment yesterday, that I'm a "person who is an actor," meaning a little diversion from the main topic now and then is ok. I'm going to try and meet up with a friend from class, E., who is lending me Water For Elephants. I've heard really good things about this book and right now it is being made into a movie with Reese Witherspoon, Sean Penn and Robert Pattison. I love reading books and seeing the movies they've made based on them. The movies are never as good as the book; that is pretty much a rule. I probably should do it the other way around - see the movie then read the book - so I'm not so disappointed. But then I'm robbed of the experience of making the world of the book my own. And I love creating that world.

A book that I loved that is coming out in movie form in a few months? Eat Pray Love. Check out the trailer:



Yes, I'll be seeing this.

One last thought: A friend sent an email yesterday and included this quote from Madeline L'Engle, author of one of my favorite childhood books A Wrinkle in Time:

"Why does anybody tell a story? It does indeed have something to do with faith; faith that the universe has meaning, that our little human lives are not irrelevant, that what we choose or say or do matters, matters cosmically."

Finding Balance

Last class tonight...I'm excited to finally put up our scene. My scene partner and I are rehearsing this afternoon and then we'll be up first. It's always nervewracking putting up a scene, even if this is my last one for awhile.

Besides class, I need to get my reel put together. A friend in class actually has a reel business, so I'm going to talk with him and see if he can help me out. I know I was going to try to do it myself but, at this point, it makes sense for me to hire someone.

Ugh....I bore myself writing about these acting endeavors. I feel like I need to be inspired again. I want to rent shows that I've heard great things about and watch them. Breaking Bad, Rome and The Tudors is on the list. Any other suggestions?

PS - I've been very dedicated to making this an acting-focused blog, especially because it is connected to my acting website. But I think I might have to diverge a little, discuss more topics, be more well-rounded. As much as I love acting and as much as it is all I've ever wanted to do with my life, I do believe there is life outside of this bubble. That's partly why I majored in English and...probably why I was never able to date other actors - ha. Too much of one thing bores me. This is a very self-involved craft - what am I feeling? how do I look? what's my type? what more can I be doing - me, me, me. I, I, I. There needs to be a balance...and I'm feeling uneven.

Defining Success

Today is another June gloom Monday. I went for a run this morning though because I knew if I waited until the afternoon, I would be sorry. It will be hot by then. And then I won't go. I'm trying to stay motivated to work out and even though it may not be my favorite thing to do, I know how important it is. So I run.

It has been hard writing these past few weeks. I feel like I'm pulling teeth to come up with a topic. I've been feeling a little burnt out and I know it is time for a break. Tomorrow is my last class for awhile and I'm looking forward to taking this summer to relax a little, get things lined up for the fall and rejuvenate. Who knows if my plans to relax will happen or not - this is the business when you never know when the phone will ring - but I know I need some sort of respite.

I'm going to have to start a blogroll because there are some great acting blogs and resources out there that I'm just starting to learn about and want to read more regularly. If you are an acting friend who reads this, you'll want to check it out. Bonnie Gillespie's column this week is another great one and fitting of my mood. Talking to some friends over the weekend, I realize I'm not the only one in a bit of a funk. And since Bonnie's column is about the hard times, it seems we're not alone. But this is an ebb and flow process and being an actor really makes you redefine what success is. Some may think success is a job or a status or a paycheck. In this world, success is in the pursuit....wherever that pursuit may lead.

(PS - I got a shout out in Bonnie's "Your Turn" section. I wrote an email to her about registration for CAP through the SAG Foundation and she included the info for her readers. Check it out. Thanks, Bonnie!)

June gloom

Days in June start gloomy. Foggy and cool and melancholy. I get inspired to paint or write or dance. Instead, I go to work. When I get home in the afternoon, the sun has broken through the gray and the creative urges I had in the morning are replaced by the urge to play outside. Go on a hike, lay in the park. Yesterday I went ahead and did a little painting. Nothing fancy, just a quickly finished expression. Today I think I'll buy some more canvas. Maybe I'll paint in the park. If the sun breaks through.

Casting Workshops (this turned into a loooong post)

Times are a-changin'...and I think the change is for the better. There is a new law in place, AB 1319, to regulate casting workshops and after reading Bonnie Gillespie's very comprehensive overview, I am very much in favor.

If you are an actor friend who reads my blog, definitely check out Bonnie's article. It is long...very long. But a good read. It really lays out the pros and cons of the law and I feel like we are going to benefit from it. Mostly it affects "talent searches" and "talent competitions" that charge actors thousands of dollars to participate in. One of the big issues with these types of venues is that many child actors participate in them hoping for their chance at stardom. Oddly enough, I did a talent competition my senior year of high school and I have a feeling that Bonnie talks about the same place I went. She says,

One of the major targets of the new law is the "talent convention" model. I was approached in 2003--just three months after my first casting gig--to do one of those "talent conventions" in Florida for a few grand. Yup. All-expenses-paid trip and five-star resort accommodations, plus a few grand cash in exchange for a few hours of watching several hundred actors (mostly kids, whose parents had paid thousands of dollars for the opportunity) as long as I pledged to "call back" a dozen or so of the kids, so they could say their program works. "No, thank you," I said.

When I went to the talent convention, it was held in Hilton Head, SC but I know soon after that the convention was held twice a year in Orlando only. I did well at the competition, winning in the categories I competed in and placing in the Top Ten Overall Talent out of 500+ people there. I got called back by several agents and casting directors in NYC but I decided to go to college instead of NY. When I graduated I headed straight to the Big Apple and contacted the people who had called me back. In light of Bonnie's info, it is disheartening to think that they may have called me back as part of their contract. But three years after the competition (I graduated early), I still was able to get meetings with these agents and even booked my first commercial through one of the casting directors I had met.

Now, I definitely recognize that that was probably a fluke. I met a girl last year - at a casting workshop - who happened to be from the same area of Florida as me. She had gone to the same talent competition as me, I think about a year later. She was called back by the same exact people. And she went to NY to pursue the opportunity. She was only there for a short time before she felt like she had been scammed. It did not work out as well for her and she went back to FL. Now she's in LA giving it a shot. But here we were - meeting each other at a casting workshop, where we are still paying good money to meet with casting directors in the hope that someone will recognize our talent and bring us in.

I'm not saying that casting workshops don't work. I have a few success stories from them and know friends who have similar stories. But I am saying that the times they work are far less often than the times they do. So we continue to shell out our money - which is hard to come by as an actor - because we want to be in the "far less often" percentage. The pool is so large and it is so hard to get into a room if you don't have some sort of connection to the CD - or the EXACT look that they need (which may be more rare than when casting workshops work out). Even my agent has recommended I do casting workshops and send them the list of people I meet. This helps when pitching me: "You met Meagan a few weeks back at such-and-such workshop." It helps with creating a brand when you don't have an extensive resume to get you in the door.

Bonnie mentions in her article about some of the free casting workshops that the SAG Foundation puts together that are woefully under attended. My little ears perked up - free?? I should be ashamed for not doing my research more and finding out where the free workshops are because I didn't realize that they existed. Or, I should say, I didn't realize that they were legit. That is how warped the casting workshop world has gotten! You assume that you have to "pay to play" or it's not worth your time. That is not the way it should be - if we were more confident and less desperate to get a chance, we would realize that these casting directors should be paying to see US. Because we are going to make their job easier. We are what they have been looking for. There has been such a shift in the balance so that there isn't a balance anymore. We're desperate to be seen by agents, managers, casting directors - "please, please, please just give me a chance" - when in reality, they work for us in the end. We put money in their pockets.

Phew. This post has taken quite the turn and has gotten quite long and I'm not sure where its going (what am I? A writer from Season 4 of LOST?), so I'm going to close up with this thought:

Read AB 1319 - ADVANCE FEE TALENT SERVICES: SCAM PREVENTION. Read Bonnie's article. Weigh in with a comment. Let's do what we can to make this a more balanced pursuit. Because following this dream is already hard enough.

A look back

Something's gotta give. I feel like I'm going through a bit of a growing pain right. Not sure which direction to head in and how to focus my energies. I have said that this year would be "the" year for my career and now that we are at the 6 month mark, I think it is a good time to evaluate where I've been and where I'm going.

Highlights thus far:

• Shot the lead in the short film, TRUE LOVE, which is making the festival rounds.
• Shot the pilot for GIRL PARTS, which has some serious interest and will most likely shoot its first season this fall.
• Shot a 3 episodes guest star role for the webseries EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY. New episodes start airing tomorrow and mine should air in a few weeks.
• Shot a PIZZA HUT commercial that hasn't started airing yet.
• My SOUTHWEST commercial continues to hold.
• Shot a co-star role for the independent pilot, TIPS.
• Screen tested for a contract role on ALL MY CHILDREN.
• Signed with a new commercial agent and have been sent out and called back regularly.

And that is all I can think of at the moment. So where I've been is not bad. Where I'm going will hopefully be better. I feel like I have a bad case of comparing myself to where everyone else is at and I need to shake that. Everyone has their own path and this is mine. I'm excited for my friends who have booked pilots and films and soaps. And I'm just looking forward to when I start doing the same. When I look back at what I've done this year I think, yes, this is good, you're doing the right things. I'm just always looking forward. What's next? What's next? But the truth is "someday" never comes...because we're always "here." I need to focus on the "here."