Sunday with Brad and friends

Today I'm going to a screening of Inglorious Basterds, which I didn't see when it was out, and there is a "conversation" after with Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth, Michael Fassbender, Melanie Laurent, Rod Taylor and Christopher Waltz, that is moderated by Quentin Tarantino. It's a SAG screening and I rsvp'd by email. That makes me nervous - it worked for the Broken Embraces screening so I hope it turns out ok for this one. They overbook these things to account for no-shows so I'm heading over early. Either way, not a bad way to spend my Sunday afternoon!

Tomorrow I have an audition at 9:30 for a commercial and then I have a flight to catch at 12:30. It always seems to happen this way - the second I am going to leave town is when an audition comes up or I get a job, so I have to rearrange plans. It was quiet all last week but I get something the morning I'm leaving...luckily this one leaves a little wiggle room for catching the flight. I am certainly not complaining - it just makes me laugh because this happens nearly every trip I take. I should plan more trips...

And then it's Thanksgiving week!! Hope you all have a wonderful time with family and friends, reflecting on all that we have to be thankful for. I know I will :) Gobble, gobble!

TGIF

It's been a quiet week...they happen. More often than not. A bit bummed about the commercial but moving on. Looking forward to next week - time with family and turkey and a break from the grind. Kelsey Rob and I got some good work done on our short last night. We are going to try to do a read through tonight with the other girls. I'd love if we could get this shot by January. If our draft is as solid as we think it is now...we might be on our way. Fingers crossed.

Dance the Tide...

And now, for your daily dose of cheesy...

I was listening to the country channel today on my Slacker Radio (its like Pandora, on my Blackberry) and an oldie but a goodie came on from Garth Brooks. Don't judge - I like him. Anyway, the song is "The River" and here are some of the lyrics:

You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores....and
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...

Sometimes it helps to have a song that encourages me...and today this one struck me. If you want to take a listen, someone put it up on youtube with some pictures (it's not an actual video):

I'm gonna keep dancin'...

A Picture of the Future

Feast your eyes on the stars of tomorrow. Here are some of my past and current scene partners from Chubbuck's class: (from left to right) Fadhia, Barbara and Kevin. Not only are they beautiful and talented but they are true friends. You hear a lot about how hard it is to meet quality people here in LA so I'm lucky to be in a class where real friendships are being formed. We took this picture last night, over at Frankie's, our post-class hangout spot - thanks for sending it to me, Kevin!

Class went great last night - we put up our second work of The Proposal and it was a big success. It was a lot of fun to do! And now I'm just trying not to think about the phone not ringing...yes, the callbacks for Ace Hardware are supposed to be tomorrow and Friday. We shall see...

Barbara and I are rehearsing our new scene for class in about 20 minutes so I should probably stop blogging and go do a bit of work before she gets here. And then Kelsey Rob and I are maybe meeting later this afternoon to finish some fine tuning of the short we are writing together. Stay tuned...

Two years ago...

Two years ago today I was flying from LA back to NY for the first time. My first trip out here was a success - I came here with One on One, met 15 agents and managers and 5 casting directors in a weekend and during that time I met my manager, Selena. She and I started working together and I was moving to the west coast. That was an insane time. The writer's strike was just starting, holidays were happening and I was between coasts until I moved here officially in the beginning of January.

So where have these two years taken me? Work-wise, I had a co-star on House and shot the Southwest commercial. I think that just now, two years later, the industry is starting to feel a little more stable since the strike. It was impossible to get seen after the strike ended and then SAG was in a state of strike-limbo so not much work was going on. My auditions have been few and far between so I'm constantly redefining the word "patience" in my vocabulary. But I haven't regretted the move for a second. I love it out here and, like I said when I started this blog, I feel "on the verge." I'm excited to see where the next two years take me.

(PS - the picture is from my first trip out here 2 years ago. We were in Malibu, having lunch at Gladstones.)

There's More (or A Lesson from Daniel Day Lewis)

More thoughts from The Private Lives of Pippa Lee screening:

• The supporting roles! Julianne Moore, Winona Ryder, Alan Arkin, Blake Lively, Monica Belluci - such rich roles and performances. And Maria Bello?? She should be nominated for her role as Pippa's mother. I'm just sitting here shaking my head at how well she did.
• The moderator of the Q&A, Pete Hammond, asked if there was any improv during the shoot - remember how I said that is the way many films are headed? Rebecca's short answer? "No." She said that there is a "musicality" to how she writes and when words are changed or dialogue deviates, it is actually grating to her ear. I love that explanation. And I love that there is someone that is still exploring the art of writing in film. I know that there are plenty of screenwriters out there that will say there are plenty of people taking pride in their words. But it seems like there are plenty of movies being made that have "loose" scripts - which can produce fun films but also seems a little lazy to me.
• Someone asked Robin about her "process" for a role like this. She said she hates that question because she doesn't know how to answer. She is an untrained actress and therefore doesn't have any sort of method or technique that she employs. But she did admit that while sitting at Rebecca's house in Ireland one day, Robin found herself sitting with Rebecca's husband - THE Daniel Day Lewis. She thought, "Ok, I'm here with literally the greatest actor of all time, I have to ask his advice. I have to take this opportunity. So I asked, Do you have any advice?" And he answered, "Be confident, my dear." She thought, that's it? "Anything more?" He shook his head, said, "Be confident," and nonchalantly walked into the kitchen to play with his kids.

So, to paraphrase the great Daniel Day Lewis: Own it. Just own it.

The screening was on Friday night and Saturday morning I went to a casting workshop with Michelle Wade of Betty Mae Casting. Before I left, Dan reminded me, "Just go in there and own it." As actors, insecurity about our abilities seems like a prerequisite - a part of the job. I am a confident person but when it comes to my acting ability, I'm not always sure. I'm done with that. I'm going to own my confidence. I know that I will constantly continue learning and growing as an actress but it is time I take responsibility for also knowing that I am good at what I do. And, as I put in the work, I'm only going to get better. "Be confident, my dear."

Epiphany

Classic Hollywood moment: At the screening of The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, Rosanna Arquette sits directly behind us. Dan's chair had to be literally hitting her in the knees (the chairs are weird at the Pacific Design screening room - they recline back as soon as you sit in them).

As for the movie, well. I loved it. I loved Rebecca Miller's storytelling - both through her words and her direction of the film. I loved Robin Wright's performance and am jealous of both her ability and her chance to play a role like Pippa Lee. At this moment, if I were to be asked, what is your ideal role? I would have to answer "Pippa Lee." Sure, the character is double my age but she is having an awakening, she isn't sure if she is going insane and, as an audience, we don't know either so we are anxious to see where the journey leads. There is such a fragility and vulnerability to her character which, in turn, becomes her strength - and may have been her strength all along. You know how I said (in my last post) that I wish for Jennifer Garner's career? Well, I might have to change that wish to having Robin Wright's career. Not only did she get to be in my favorite movie of all time, The Princess Bride, but she has had a career that has been varied and constant. And this role seems like "just the beginning" for her - you'll understand my quotations if you see the movie. I'm kind of in awe of her.

Both Robin and Rebecca Miller were there for the Q&A after the screening. I didn't know that Rebecca was going to be there! She is certainly a writer's writer and I loved hearing her talk about this piece. She wrote it as a book first and then she adapted it for the screen. She got the idea for the book when she ran into an old friend when she was in Rome one summer. She had known this friend twenty years prior, when they were both living in NY. She said this woman was wild and "a bit casual with her life" when she knew her and now, twenty years later, she was this wife and mother of three - very put together and quite opposite of how she was in her youth. It got her to thinking about how we all seem to live several lives within our lives and how there is usually much more to a person than we may know, depending on when we know them. Talk about a running theme of my week: Broken Embraces begins with the explanation from our main character about how he guesses he became a writer because the idea of living one life just wasn't enough for him. Which made me start thinking...

"Why do I love acting?" I've never known the answer to that because it is something I've always wanted - I've never wanted anything else. And so it was a bit of an epiphany for me this week when I thought, "What drives me to be an actor?" and I realized that I think it is because I want to be able to live all of these lives. That one life isn't enough. That with acting, I get to climb into another person's life for a bit, without the consequences. I think that is why I always wanted to play Rizzo instead of Sandy in Grease. I am Sandy, in real life. I don't want to play who I am - I am that person day in and day out. The chance to explore the wilder sides of myself -or to be an FBI agent or a drug addict or a hooker or an astronaut - all of these things that I won't be in this one life that I am allotted...that freedom to explore is an addiction in itself. Even if I'm cast as "the Sandy" much more often than I am cast as "the Rizzo," I'm an actor. How lucky is that?

Friday the 13th!

I actually love Friday the 13ths and think of them as lucky days. I wonder if that attitude will bring lucky things my way today. Only time will tell...

The problem with blogging everyday is that everyday something doesn't always happen. Take yesterday, for example. I was feeling tired and cranky and just not myself - which I can only attribute to residual effects from my food poisoning earlier this week - not all is back to normal yet. But out of spite towards my stomach, I went on a hike anyway in Runyon with Corinne and Monica. We took it easy but I'm glad I did it. And that was the big event of the day. Today I'm feeling a little better, which is encouraging! I'm meeting with my new scene partner, Barbara, at 4:30 to read through our scene and, at 7:30, Dan and I are going to the screening for Robin Wright's new film. Other than that, not much to report.

I got a nice compliment the other night before class. Someone had seen me put up my scene from The Proposal the week before and told me how they really enjoyed it. They thought I had great timing and would be perfect for a sitcom. Well, that was like music to my ears. Being on a sitcom would be amazing and I consider it to be one of my ideal jobs. My ideal career? Something along the lines of Jennifer Garner's: successful series for several years, take time off to be a mom, shoot movies when I want to...yeah, not a bad gig. I'm gonna take this career however it comes at me but I think it is good to have in mind what you want in an ideal situation. If, instead, I get cast in a film and that is the road my career takes - trust me, I won't be complaining! In fact, tomorrow I'm going to a casting workshop to meet Michelle Wade with Betty Mae Casting, which is a major film casting office. Fingers crossed! I mean, Meryl Streep and I do share a birthday...it is quite possible we share a destiny ;)

Chaos

"That beautiful dance with chaos that is acting"

- Penelope Cruz

I tried to take a picture of the Q&A with Penelope last night, to give you an idea of what these screenings are like, but my stupid phone on my camera wouldn't work - some technical glitches, unfortunately. I'll try to get one of Robin Wright tomorrow night at the screening for The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. I really enjoyed Broken Embraces. It was my first introduction to Pedro Almodovar's work and I am interested to see more. I liked the storytelling. And Penelope is a beautiful actress, especially in her native tongue. I was impressed during her Q&A with how articulate and well spoken she was. She told the story about how when she did her first movie here, the only English she knew were her lines and "How are you?" When I think about that, it amazes me and just makes me want to be bilingual even more. Rosetta Stone!! Maybe Dan and I will finally get that as a Christmas present to ourselves...

Today should be a low key day. Nothing on the docket except work and a possible rehearsal for class. We were supposed to be having a writing meeting but that got postponed. I'm working on a short film with three of my friends - Kelsey, Corinne and Melanie. It started out as a webseries but now we are revamping it into a short film that can be used as a pitch for a series. I'm proud of how it is turning out so far - there have been many revisions and rewrites, but I think we are finally getting to the point of something solid. Who knows? We'll film it, submit it to a few festivals and you just never know what could happen from there. Which is why we do it - for that beautiful dance with chaos.

Reflection and Thanks

First of all, Happy Veterans Day and a big thank you to all who have served and are serving. I know how blessed I am to be following this dream and I know that those who protect my freedoms are part of why I am so lucky. I went to school with one of our fallen heros, Adam Snyder. He was killed in Iraq in 2007. I didn't know Adam very well but I have friends that were close with him. He wanted to be an actor and planned on pursuing his dream once he finished serving his five years, which would have been this past summer. You can read more about Adam and the sacrifice he made here.

***

Yesterday's audition was...good, I guess? It is hard to tell with commercial auditions. They see such a range of people and you just never know where you fall within that range on how they want to sell their product. The callbacks are at the end of next week, so we'll know more then. It is usually best to go in and then just forget about it because you just never know. That is so much easier said than done though.

Class was great - a lot of solid work was put up. We didn't get a chance to put up our scene because time ran out. But we both got a new scene to work on in addition to finishing up this one so that excites me. I love having double works, especially when the rest of my acting life is a little slow. Makes me feel even more motivated.

Tonight I get to go to a SAG screening of Broken Embraces, which is followed by a Q&A with Penelope Cruz. One of perks of being a SAG member that I try to take advantage of as much as possible.

My sister, Kelsey, is headed to New York City today! I am so jealous! She is going to an advertising conference with a group from school and will be there until Sunday. To all of my NY friends: Be on the lookout for a beautiful Gordon Girl! I should have told her to go to the Renaissance Diner for me. And Angelo's Pizza. Yummmm.

Ok, running behind this morning so I must skedaddle...adios!

Sidelined

Sorry I didn't get a chance to post yesterday - Sunday night, my stomach started hurting and around three in the morning I was woken up by some violent food poisoning. At least, I think it was food poisoning. It had me moored to the couch all day yesterday, feeling miserable. At around 8, I started running a fever - which made me nervous - so I went to bed. Twelve hours of consecutive sleep later, I feel normal. No fever, no stomach pains, and I'm starving. Thank goodness! Because today I have an audition for an Ace Hardware commercial at 12:45, my scene partner is coming over at 4:30 to rehearse for class which starts tonight at 7:00. It's a busy day. I'm going to try to take it as easy as I can but I think I'm recovered. Phew!

Sunday Football

I have gotten into football this season. I've never been a big football fan - I know more about football because of osmosis, more than anything. But this year, I've been watching. At first it was just to see when they would air my Southwest commercial. And they aired it the first week - woohoo! And they aired it for a few weeks but not so much as of late. Haven't seen it in about a month.

Anyway, despite having never really cared about football before, all of a sudden I've been actually enjoying the games and today I get to watch the Dolphin game. Of course, it would be a lot more fun if we saw this:

Instead it's just been the darn "bag" commercials. My grandma wrote to me and said she hasn't seen me lately during football, so I figured I'd post it for old times sake. I thought our run was over and then Megan Greenberg wrote to me on Facebook and said she saw my commercial today - woot woot!! Not sure what game her boyfriend has on but that bit of news made me smile.

Hope you're enjoying your Sunday Funday! Gooooo Dolphins!

Aww, Friday...

...I'm glad you're here. It feels like it's been a busy week and I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and charging up for the next busy week.

Remember that AFI film I was waiting on a callback from? Well, I still haven't gotten a callback - so I think that ship has sailed - but I did get some "feedback" from the producer on the casting website they used. There is a casting office here called CAZT that tapes your audition and sends you a link to watch it. Of course, there is a fee to watch so I never have. But yesterday I got an email notifying me that I got feedback from the producer. And I could see the first part of the sentence, "Meagan was very well prepared..." Dot. Dot. Dot. I couldn't stand it! I had to know! Why didn't I get a callback? What is the "dot dot dot?" I need to know so I can learn and grow and get the next one! So I paid the ten bucks to see what else was said - by the way, what a fantastic ruse! Hundreds of actors audition at CAZT and we are all desperate for some kind of feedback, response, explanation. So we get desperate and pay to get it. I wish I had come up with the idea.

Anyway, back to the feedback. I was expecting a "but" somewhere after the dot.dot.dot. A "Meagan was very well prepared BUT she didn't really capture the character." Or, "Meagan was very well prepared BUT just not right for this part." Or, "Meagan was very well prepared BUT she really needs to work on her acting skills and maybe should reconsider this whole acting thing and go back to school to become a lawyer or something equally better suited." Here is what it really said:

"Meagan was very well-prepared for the scene, as she had a strong understanding of the character and of the context. Also, her display of tension was very gripping."

DOT. DOT. DOT.

While I appreciate the kind words, I'm not entirely sure what this means. I watched my audition tape...it seemed to warrant a callback. The feedback seems to warrant a callback. And yet, nothing.

So here is my new theory (which is actually something I've known for a while but have been hesitant to accept): I can do my best. I can do a great job and apply all of my acting skills and knock the material out of the park. But if I don't fit the idea of what the casting director, producers, director, writer, etc., has in their head...all of my work doesn't mean anything. It is a rare occurence when an actor can completely change the whole team's "idea" of what the character is and get cast even though they may not be what was originally being looked for. Oddly enough, the first prototype they listed for this role was "Anne Hathaway," who I get compared to constantly, so I thought I was a shoe in. There are no shoes here. My husband thinks that maybe I didn't look old enough to have a nine year old son? But this movie is taking place in Civil War times, so I thought that detail wouldn't effect me. I am old enough but I guess I don't look old enough. One day, I'm going to love that.

Honestly though, I'll probably never know the real reason. Just like all of the hundreds of auditions I've been on and not gotten the part. So it goes back to my original post: Am I having fun? The answer is yes. And I can watch my audition for this part and know that I did a good job. And I'll just keep getting better. To paraphrase the wise Oprah: Preparation meeting opportunity equals luck. And one of these days, I'm gonna get lucky.

All is quiet...

Yep, the phone didn't ring yesterday. Only once. It was Kristen, who has an uncanny knack for calling when I'm hoping for a call even though I don't even think she knows I was waiting for a call. So...on to the next one. There is a lot of that - "on to the next one." It's gotta be some sort of mantra among actors. If not this one, then the next. It keeps you going, in a way. It goes like this: "Sigh (deep breath). On to the next one." Almost like preparing for another punch to the gut - come on, I can take it. Rwarrr...

The meeting with Lindsay Jameyson went well. It was a small group, which was nice, and she read one on one with each of us. I always seem to get cast at these things in a strong-confident-woman-type role, which is fine with me. A strong woman who is trying to prove herself. Talk about typecasting.

There is a bit of a chill here in LA today and I am liking it. I am really looking forward to the holidays this year and this chill reminds me that they are on their way. Just need to keep pushing for a few more weeks...I'm trying to do a surge of meeting with casting directors before the year is out, in hopes that the new year will bring more opportunities because of the connections I'm building now. And I've been running every other morning and hiking at Runyon with Corinne at least once a week. Keeping healthy and ready for whatever may come my way. And when the surge is done, I get rewarded with turkey and time with family. That is the hardest part about all of this - being away from family. I am lucky to have a supportive family that understands the importance of following dreams but after seven years of being either in NY or LA, the longing to be near family hasn't grown any quieter. It has become part of the drive.

What will today bring?

That has been my thought most mornings - really since I moved to LA. Today I'm waiting on a few things though. I could find out more about the audition yesterday. I could find out if I have a callback for an AFI film I auditioned for over the weekend. I could get another audition that is unrelated to those auditions. Geez. I'm such an optimist.

Went to class last night and got to put up our scene. I am in Ivana Chubbuck's masters class on Tuesday nights and it has been such a great experience being a part of her studio. I'm not going to sit here an wax poetic but suffice to say - I feel like I learn and grow each week, I love the friends that I have made and I just get excited to be there, every time. It is another reason I feel lucky to do what I do. My scene partner, Brian, and I are doing a scene from The Proposal - the Sandra Bullock movie from earlier this year. It is a lot of fun. Ivana gave us some tweaks and twists to work on and we'll bring it back for a second time.

Tonight I am going to a casting workshop and meeting with the casting associate from CSI:NY, Lindsay Jameyson. I used to do casting workshops all the time in NY but they never really worked out for me. I've decided to pick up the habit again out here though because it is just so hard to get seen. Even though I am well represented - I have a great manager and agent - it is still hard to get into a room. Especially because I am in that lovely stage of 20s, brunette, girl next door. Um. There are thousands of us out here. And when I started to think about the opportunities I've had since moving here, a lot of them have been because I had met the casting director before...

...So, the crapshoot begins again. Last week I met with Sherie Hernandez - who casts on Melrose Place, Rita Rocks, 10 Things I Hate About You (to name a few) - and Kendra Castleberry - who casts for Castle and Ghost Whisperer. I think Kendra put it best when she said, "Listen. It's not fair. When I put out a breakdown, I have a thousand submissions within the hour. Generally I'll receive 15 to 1700 submissions for any given role. I'll call in 20. I'll cast 1. This business is. Not. Fair." Amen, sister. That is why I'm hoping that these workshops could pay off in the end. I know that most CDs do them for the money but I gotta believe that if they see someone who impresses them, they'll remember them. And when my headshot is in the sea of thousands, it might bring a twinge of rememberance. A twinge that says, "Yeah, let's see her."

Here's to hopin'.

New Beginnings

I've been feeling amped up lately. Like things are going to start happening. Like anything could happen. Like 2010 might be a big year for my career. So I might as well start blogging about it....might be interesting to look back on once things start taking off - fingers crossed!

Auditioned for a film today, called Beginners, written and directed by Mike Mills. He is best known for his film Thumbsucker and the blogs seem to be excited about his next film. Ewan McGregor and Christopher Plummer are starring. I was auditioning to be the girlfriend of a friend of Ewan's character. The audition was improvised - there was a loose script/scenario given and then we just went from there. It seems like this is the direction a lot of films are being taken. I mean, who knows if the improvising will actually happen when they shoot - they might go back to the script - but it was fun.

And that's the thing: It was fun. I am realizing more and more that sometimes I just have to acknowledge that I had fun during the audition and that that is lucky enough. This is a tough, tough business and chances are I'm not going to book most of the things I go in on. But just having the chance to get in the room, doing what I love - even for a moment, even for the audition - is pretty darn lucky. This "acting thing" is most definitely about the journey - and who knows where I'll end up - but I am sure as hell enjoying the ride.