At 22.

So last night after my improv class I had a moment.

Most of the class went to hang out afterward and we were all getting to know each other - where are you from?  Are you an actor, writer, both?  Excetera.  All of those basic "LA" questions for a group in a comedy class.  And then somehow age came up. "How old are you? Really?  Oh, me too. How old are you?"  All around the table. And there is a wide range in this class.  One guy is 40, another guy is 18.  Of the guys, the age range is twenty years wide.  But pretty much all of the girls, except me, are 22.  Now... they all thought I was their age so, you know, ego-boost.  But I'm not.  I'm 30.  And I remember being in NY when I was 22 and I remember being in class with women who were 30 and I remember thinking, "Oh man, I hope that I'm not still 'trying' when I'm 30."  And I remember feeling something akin to pity.  Because, at 22, I was convinced that my star would just burn so brightly that someone would see it.  Someone would immediately put me in a starring role - on Broadway, on TV, in a movie.  There was no way that by the time I was THIRTY, I'd still be pounding the pavement, taking classes, taking new head shots, hustling to be seen. And that might happen for some of these girls - they are so new at this game and most have been in LA for less than a year - they might get snatched up and be given a great opportunity and be on the fast track that I was sure, at 22, that I'd be on.  But, very likely, they'll find themselves eight years later - with accomplishments to be proud of along the way, but not exactly where they thought they'd be - in a bar, after a class, mingling with the new, fresh 20-somethings and they'll realize the age disparity and they'll remember me.  And they'll think, "Wait.  I'm as old as that girl from my Improv class years ago. The one I felt a little sorry for."  And they'll realize that time has flown and that they don't feel much different than they did at 22.  They'll think there is still a chance for greatness and opportunity.  The shininess of hope will be a little duller than it was at 22.  The shininess will have been dulled by years of "almosts" and "no, thanks" and "if onlys."  But it will still be there.  The hope.  And glimmers of it will shine through with every booked job and every "almost" and every friend that has a success story and every connection made.  It will shine through  as you hear stories of other great actors who have found their success later in life.  It will shine through as you write your own projects.  It will shine through as you see inspiring movies that prove there is a space for your work to be seen.  And then, at 30, you'll realize how foolish you were at 22 to limit your definition of success and limit those that didn't fit into that definition.  You'll realize that everyone has a different road and that those roads can't be compared.  But you'll also forgive yourself and be grateful for yourself at 22 because it took getting to 30 to realize any of it.

Hello, Tuesday!

One of my 3rd grade classes had a field trip yesterday, so I'm BookPAL-ing it today instead of my usual Mondays as a result.  I'm looking forward to seeing "my kids."  We've been reading "The Tale of Despereaux" and last week we got to a part where three different story lines start to come together so it should be a fun day full of discussion and trying to remember all of the characters voices!  And today is my second improv class.  I started up last week and I think we've got a good group of people, which is so key.  I felt a little out of the loop last week because there are two handfuls of people that were just in class together and have now moved on to the next level with each other. I took my time between levels so I don't know anyone, which made me nervous, but everyone is really inclusive and supportive and I think we're going to have a fun class.

Thinking of the day ahead of me...

I think most of the people involved in any art always secretly wonder whether they are really there because they're good or there because they're lucky. - Katharine Hepburn

...feeling pretty lucky.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is all about stopping and taking the time to recognize what we are grateful for and what we take for granted.  Also, the eating.  Love the eating.

Wherever you are and whoever you are with, I hope today is full of gratitude, love and food.

Thanks, Viola

On Monday evening Fadhia and I were fortunate enough to hear Viola Davis speak at the SAG Foundation's "Conversations" series.  I've been a big fan of Viola's work for awhile now and after recently watching her speech at Elle's Women in Hollywood event, I knew she would have interesting thoughts and insights on this crazy road of acting.  She didn't disappoint.

I forgot to pack my notebook so I took some notes on my phone - which I hated doing because it looked like I was texting and being disrespectful!  I finally decided to risk looking that way about halfway through the program because I was missing jotting down some real gems.  But here are some good nuggets that I did "write" down...which are not in order of how topics were presented - nor are they exact quotes...there was so much that I'm sure I paraphrased trying to get it all down quickly:

In reference to approaching the work:  

As actors we have to operate as if we have no other choice. Because we have no other choice in life. 

As an actor or director, the first time you walk in and feel like you "know", you're screwed. There has to be an element of surprise. 

Start with the text. I listen to all the facts. Then I listen to everything the other characters say about me. ...You have to start with a need. There's always a driving need in a human being's life.

On connecting:

People feel like that that's part of the work - the "pretty" part. I realized that when I came to LA...When we take that away, that's when we can really relate to each other as people. 

You have to hope that the integrity of your work shines through past any of that negativity...I have to believe that my work transcends any stereotypical things that are on the page. 

On staying motivated:  

There is so much that invades the purity of the work. There is so much - the hustle, the jealousy, the competition, the money. It takes you away from the work.

The reason I became an actor is not why I stay an actor. Mostly because there is so much that invades the purity of the work. The love of the work keeps me in it. 

The hard part of being an actor is the rejection. You have to make peace with the rejection on a day to day basis.

...then I met my husband. Life rejuvenates you. Praying rejuvenates me. Acting is faith-based. There are things in my life that give me life... It's my faith, it's my husband.  

On "what's next": 

I want to be more in a position of power. Now more than ever is the time to create roles for me that I've always dreamed of playing. 

I want what I want. At least I can try. 

The only difference is that I've been in the line for a long time. I've been in the line for 23 years. 

*****
See?? There was so much that resonated with me as an actor and as a person.  And, like I said, these are only the quotes that I was able to type quickly.  I especially related to, "Now more than ever is the time to create roles for me that I've always dreamed of playing...I want what I want.  At least I can try." And on that note, I'm going to get back to working on my screenplay.  Because "now more than ever is the time..."

Headshots, galore

Last week I shot new headshots with Molly Hawkey.  I picked up the disc of images over the weekend and now I'm at a loss...I'm not sure how I'm going to narrow them down!  Here are some that have stood out to me so far:

And there are a lot of other great ones.  I haven't gotten feedback from my reps yet but I think there has got to be a winner in there somewhere.  Here's my favorite (of the moment):

Would love to hear what you all think!  My theatrical agent is looking through all 300+ of them and I'm anxious for his feedback.  And I'm having prints delivered to share with my commercial agent so I will probably get some picks from her next week.  Man, oh, man.  Thank you Molly for giving me a great problem to have!

Friday,Friday

Finally!  I am here at my coffee spot, settled in to get some writing done today.  All week I've tried to get here but my first career has interfered.  Please imagine a winky-emoticon after that last sentence because I'm not complaining.  Monday was the audition with the saga of the swimsuit, Tuesday I went to BookPALs and had a marketing meeting for Girl Parts, Wednesday was a short film audition, yesterday was shooting new headshots and now, here we are at Friday.  Sometimes weeks are busy!  And I'm the type of writer that needs to have a couple hours blocked off to sink into the world I'm creating and since I like spending my evenings with my husband if my days are busy, then you can bet nothing is getting done at night.  Speaking of night, last night I had a dream that I was on The Big Bang Theory as Sheldon's first kiss.  Amy Farrah Fowler was very jealous and Sheldon was surprised by how much he enjoyed human contact.  Chuck Lorre was there for the table read.  Now that is a plot line that should happen!  And it should happen exactly as I dreamt it - with me in the role.  Maybe the headshots I took yesterday will help get me in the door.  Fingers crossed, people.  Fingers crossed.

The Saga of the Swimsuit

On Mondays I usually read to my 3rd graders for BookPALs.  But this week there was a scheduling conflict so the teachers and I decided I would read on Tuesday instead.  So on Monday I was looking forward to having an entire day for writing.  I ate my breakfast, got ready for the day, packed up my computer and was making my way to the coffee shop when I realized I had forgotten my headphones at home.  Even though I was almost to my destination, I decided to turn around because people can be loud and I'm easily distracted and I wanted to be productive.  Better to have a 15 minute delay and have my headphones than go straight there and get distracted all morning.  On the walk back, I checked my email and I had an audition notice from my agent.  Commercial audition, that afternoon, in a few hours.  Ok.  I can still get some writing done, I thought.  Then I saw the attire: one-piece bathing suit.  Hmm.  Looks like I wasn't going to get much writing done after all.  I own one one-piece bathing suit and from the description of the part ("athletic") I didn't think it would work.  Mine is a red suit with white-heart-polka-dots and a bottom that does not provide the type of coverage needed when I think "athletic."  So I decided to make a quick run to the Sports Chalet - which is basically like the Sports Authority - to see if I could find a more 'full-coverage' suit; something I would feel more comfortable in.  So much for my writing plans! I go to the shopping center where Sports Chalet is, take my ticket for the parking garage and as I'm taking it, there is a sign on the ticket dispenser:  "Sports Chalet is Now Closed."  What??  I drive in and park and sure enough, Sports Chalet is totally cleared out.  Luckily this is a shopping center so there are other places to get swimsuits - maybe.  It's not exactly swimsuit season.  So after striking out at Nordstrom Rack and Marshall's, Old Navy comes through in a major way.  I find a great suit that is athletic and covers well and I feel confident it.  The only thing is...now I have to wear it in two hours.  And wearing a bathing suit without washing it gives me the heebie jeebies.  So I think, it's a bathing suit.  They dry quickly.  I'll go ahead and hand wash it and it should be okay by the time I need to leave.  So I give it a good scrub, wring it out, hang it up to dry and go eat lunch.  About an hour later I come back to check on it.  Totally wet.  Hmm.  So I give it a good wringing again.  And check on it again in 15 minutes.  This is obviously going to take more than wringing.  So then I proceed to take my hair dryer and blow my new bathing suit dry for a good 15 minutes.  It may have been slightly damp when I was at my audition but at least it wasn't soaking wet.

And that was Monday.

And, sometimes, these are the days of my life.

Hungry

So I'm teenage-girl-excited for The Hunger Games.  Have you seen the trailer yet??

Sparks

During my NY years, I started a production company called Green Apple Entertainment.  Our first production - our 'launch party' - took place at Studio Dante, an absolutely gorgeous theatre created by Michael and Victoria Imperioli.  It was a one-night only affair and we showcased a one-act play called The Dinner, written by Libby Leonard, and featured three short films, including an animated short by Bobby Miller.  In the lobby during the reception we featured music from unknown artists like Monica Allison and Jared Farrell.  Looking back, it's kind of impressive the level of talent that was on display.  You may not recognize some of the names yet but many involved with that production are making names for themselves. Bobby had an award-winning short film this past year that showed at Sundance, Cannes, SXSW and many other festivals; Monica recently released her first album, which has quickly become one of my favorites; Jared is playing shows around LA with his new band Audio Murder Wave; Libby continues to have her work produced and celebrated.  The actors in The Dinner have also fared well.  Melissa Osborne became a good friend and colleague - Green Apple produced her one-act play in the NY Fringe Festival the following year and she recently moved to LA and had a play in production the first month of her arrival.  Erica Harsch submitted a show to Green Apple that she was working on with her friend Lindsey to see if we could produce it for them. We didn't have the resources at the time but that didn't slow either of them down.  Erica became part of the fictional band The All-for-Nots, a mockumentary web series produced by Michael Eisner.  When they played on the Jimmy Kimmel Show, I was excited to be able to be there at the recording, watching along with her friend Lindsey - Lindsey Broad who just debuted her new role on The Office last night.  Cody Lindquist was another cast member in The Dinner and she always made me laugh.  She has gone on to be quite a force in the Improv scene with her now-husband Charlie Todd.  I never knew Charlie but I've enjoyed seeing what the two of them are up to with their Improv Everywhere group.  Maybe you saw one of their most recent viral videos?  "Say Something Nice" went viral and even Oprah took notice.

And I'm just scratching the tip of the iceberg with these mentions.  I could go on about the other cast members, company members and the various connections made and successes that have been developed since that one show.  And the whole reason for my trip down memory lane is because Cody posted a video today of her husband doing a TED Talk about Improv Everywhere.  I'm embedding it here so you can watch and I hope you will.  It is guaranteed to make you smile.  I was going to just post the video and mention briefly how I know of Charlie Todd because of his wife Cody but I went down the rabbit hole that you've just read.  It's kind of neat to think of that little night in NY, which was a big night to me, which may just be a small moment in their memories; to think of where all this talent was together and where all that talent has grown and splintered off to.  It looks like a little starburst in my mind.  And that is just one group, from one night.  There have been many nights and many groups and many talented, gifted people that I have met since that have their own starbursts. I feel like I'm going to break out into a Katy Perry song...baby, you're a firework.  And that is part of what is so neat about the video you're about to watch - the concept behind Improv Everywhere.  That we can have shared experiences of joy and even if it is only for a moment, the impact can make an impression.  It can last.

Howdy ho, neighbors!

It's been awhile since my last full post and I owe you one!  It's a little tough to come up with a fresh new perspective for a post everyday when it seems there isn't much to report on the acting front.  Not that there isn't anything going on....there's just not much new...at the moment.  How do I mean?  Well, I'm not currently in a class...but I'm starting one in two weeks!  Finally going to take the next level of Improv at UCB.  I did 101 last fall, took Sketch Comedy this summer and now Improv 201; signed up today.  My new pictures, as much as I love them, aren't working out.  How do you know a picture isn't "working"?  Your auditions slooooooow down.  I was averaging going out commercially three times a week.  Since changing my pictures in September, I've been out three times...in three months.  Thank goodness one of those times resulted in a booking!  But, clearly, something needs to change.  So I am setting up a session with a new headshot photographer, recommended to me by a friend's manager.  I'm really excited to get those shot and hopefully up the audition-ante in the coming weeks before the year's end.  I haven't gotten to work on my screenplay this past week.  We went to Vegas to meet my in-laws and then drove them back here to LA for a few days.  So spending time with family took over my writing time, which is always a great excuse!  Planning to get back on writing-track tomorrow.  This morning has been a lot of busy work, involving most of what I've written about so far.  Making phone calls, appointments, picture changes, and catching up on email can add up to a lot of time.  Now I need to get out and go for my run.  We're running in a 5K this weekend and I fear it might be my slowest time yet...I've been a little lax in my workout schedule too so those 3.1 miles might be painful.  But I'll do it!  Even if I'm a tortoise and not a hare.

"Running" away from the volcano erupting
at the Mirage in Vegas.
It was really cold that night.

Bonus GIRL PARTS

Today is the season finale of GIRL PARTS but fret not!  There is much bonus material on the horizon and a Season Two in the works....enjoy!

Like Crazy

Went to a screening of "Like Crazy" last night and really enjoyed the film - the way it was shot, directed, performed.  All of it was inspiring and encouraging and made me think, "Yes, the film that I'm writing has  a place, an audience, and can be done."  I reached the halfway mark of my first rewrite yesterday and I'm feeling...motivated.  Having a feeling about 2012 and all the adventures it might bring...

On a not-totally-unrelated note, can you believe it is November???  Only 59 days left of the year.  Yowzas.