Aww, Friday...

...I'm glad you're here. It feels like it's been a busy week and I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and charging up for the next busy week.

Remember that AFI film I was waiting on a callback from? Well, I still haven't gotten a callback - so I think that ship has sailed - but I did get some "feedback" from the producer on the casting website they used. There is a casting office here called CAZT that tapes your audition and sends you a link to watch it. Of course, there is a fee to watch so I never have. But yesterday I got an email notifying me that I got feedback from the producer. And I could see the first part of the sentence, "Meagan was very well prepared..." Dot. Dot. Dot. I couldn't stand it! I had to know! Why didn't I get a callback? What is the "dot dot dot?" I need to know so I can learn and grow and get the next one! So I paid the ten bucks to see what else was said - by the way, what a fantastic ruse! Hundreds of actors audition at CAZT and we are all desperate for some kind of feedback, response, explanation. So we get desperate and pay to get it. I wish I had come up with the idea.

Anyway, back to the feedback. I was expecting a "but" somewhere after the dot.dot.dot. A "Meagan was very well prepared BUT she didn't really capture the character." Or, "Meagan was very well prepared BUT just not right for this part." Or, "Meagan was very well prepared BUT she really needs to work on her acting skills and maybe should reconsider this whole acting thing and go back to school to become a lawyer or something equally better suited." Here is what it really said:

"Meagan was very well-prepared for the scene, as she had a strong understanding of the character and of the context. Also, her display of tension was very gripping."

DOT. DOT. DOT.

While I appreciate the kind words, I'm not entirely sure what this means. I watched my audition tape...it seemed to warrant a callback. The feedback seems to warrant a callback. And yet, nothing.

So here is my new theory (which is actually something I've known for a while but have been hesitant to accept): I can do my best. I can do a great job and apply all of my acting skills and knock the material out of the park. But if I don't fit the idea of what the casting director, producers, director, writer, etc., has in their head...all of my work doesn't mean anything. It is a rare occurence when an actor can completely change the whole team's "idea" of what the character is and get cast even though they may not be what was originally being looked for. Oddly enough, the first prototype they listed for this role was "Anne Hathaway," who I get compared to constantly, so I thought I was a shoe in. There are no shoes here. My husband thinks that maybe I didn't look old enough to have a nine year old son? But this movie is taking place in Civil War times, so I thought that detail wouldn't effect me. I am old enough but I guess I don't look old enough. One day, I'm going to love that.

Honestly though, I'll probably never know the real reason. Just like all of the hundreds of auditions I've been on and not gotten the part. So it goes back to my original post: Am I having fun? The answer is yes. And I can watch my audition for this part and know that I did a good job. And I'll just keep getting better. To paraphrase the wise Oprah: Preparation meeting opportunity equals luck. And one of these days, I'm gonna get lucky.