Making lists

Friends, neighbors, countrymen.

I know I am very positive on this blog. I know that is why some of you read. Because no matter what this business throws at me, I tend to look at the sunny side. And I do most of the time. But I'm only human. And I admit that there are times when I have little meltdowns. Little tantrums of 'why?' Why not me, why not now, why her, why is it slow, why is this taking so long, why why why? And these tantrums are frustrating and juvenile and petty.  And embarrassing.

I started out this year being very adamant that I was going to "let the year come to me." That I was going to get off of that hamster wheel. But just six weeks in and I've already had a relapse. I've fallen off the wagon and gotten back on the wheel. Of course, the wheel started spinning out of control and that is when the meltdown occurred. And then I just have to laugh at myself. And that is when I start making lists.

This morning I made a list of my blessings. I have so much good in my life. When I start letting this career define my happiness, I lose sight of that and I lose sight of myself. Making my list I realized how lucky I am to even have tantrum of whys. They seem to only happen when all else is good in my life. Actors seek out the drama and I guess I'm no different. Humans seek out drama - that is why we tell stories, which is why we have actors.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is SO MUCH that I take for granted and it is such a blessing to sit back and remember that. I am beyond grateful for all that I take for granted. And I am grateful that I had a tantrum this week. Because every once in awhile, it is so nice to take stock of all that is wonderful in my life.

And I have a wonderful life.